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Jay Cutler Needs to Stop Being a Hipster

Jay Cutler has one of the best hipster haircuts in the NFL, and his attitude lately gives him a run at becoming the ultimate sports hipster of the year. He’ll definitely be on the short list.

Hipsters: we despise them, make fun of their ironic mustaches, we all have one main reason why we’re not one – but admit it, we all secretly think they’re pretty cool and want to be one. Let’s face, hipsters are pretty damn hip. None the less, it’s time for Jay Cutler to stop being one.

The problem with hipsters is that they are self-centered and arrogant, and they only care about being seen, no matter the cost. Jay Cutler had a reason to be upset, but like a hipster who’s asked if he likes Kelly Clarkson, he has taken the gesture far too seriously.

It’s time to grow up, Jay. You don’t have to cut your hair, but you have to let go of being a hipster where it counts – in your skinny-jean clad heart.

Morning Wood 3/16

The Tournament is Set: If you haven’t started acting like you’re sick at work by now, welcome to the big leagues amateur. You should have already visited the doctor at least 3 times. Of course, there’s always the “emergency” method. “Boss, I just found out I have a 3^rd ball, I have to get to the hospital. Only for about the next four days though. Then I’ll be back for one day. Then gone two more days the next week. Let’s see, and sometime in April I’m pretty sure this extra testicle will be bothering me again….Hey you can’t fire me, I quit!”

Trust me, this is almost always how these conversations go. Just stream it, despite what the IT dude says.

Cutler Puts All His Houses Up For Sale, Sheffler Wants In

Pat Bowlen finally aired his surprisingly large balls yesterday, and said that he was fucking disgusted and wanted shoot his own wang right off. All right, he simply said he was disappointed, but the man has shown that he does know what he’s doing. He supports new coach McDaniels, and I’m beginning to feel the same way.

Yes, all pro players are sniveling snots, but at some point you need to put it behind you and get ready to win. McDaniels clearly knows what he’s doing on offense, and if you’re going to throw away that opportunity over something that happens to every player in the NFL, then you deserve to get traded to the winless Lions. At least you can buy a nicer, even bigger mansion.

CBS 4 Denver, (that perennial source of hard-hitting journalism) is reporting that Tony Sheffler, along with Cutler, is skipping the “mandatory” preseason workouts that begin this week. That’ll show em! You managed to have an impact in two games before your tow – your fucking toe – made you miss a lot of playing time.

Cutler Asks for A Trade: The big news this morning, apparently Jay “Bout to Go Paula Abdul on Your Ass” Cutler demanded a trade. Like I said earlier, at this point, fuck it, you want to go to a shit team, go to a shit team. We’ll take the draft picks from Detroit, and you can take you diva attitude there. Cutler is not only exposing himself as a detriment to any team that doesn’t pamper him as if he’s Jesus, he’s plummeting his value. I hope he makes money on the houses he’s selling, because he’s not going to be getting paid nearly as much for the next few years.

Denver Beat the Clippers: I’m sure George Karl is ecstatic about this one. Back at the top of the division, but A LOT of jockeying to be had.

Cavs Have a Shot Out of the East: They are good, maybe too good for the Celts if they’re not at 100%.

Phil Mickelson Wins: I hate golf, why did I even bring that up?

Manny Might Be Injured: Well shy’aa, he’s fucking old as fuck, dude.

Wrap Up: Getting sick of Cutler. Trying not to think about the tournament so I don’t get too excited. Bitches!!

2009 NCAA Tournament Selection is F*cked — Don’t Ever Change It

Selection Committee Fucks it up again – don’t change a thing: Coming from a New Mexico native, a Lobos fan for life – don’t change a thing. The Mountain West could have had at least 4 teams in the tournament, maybe five. But – should they have?

Wisconsin was a big surprise pick for the tournament to a lot of people, but New Mexico hasn’t earned it’s stripes yet. It has shown that it can come to the tournament ready to play. Wisconsin, more importantly, has shown that they can win in the tournament, no matter what position they’re in:

-The MWC has lost 3 of its last 1^st round tournament appearances, and no more than one team from the MWC has ever won in the tournament.

-Wisconsin went to the Final Four as a #8 seed (albeit with a different coach). They have a history of making nice runs until losing to the eventual champions.

In short, Wisconsin has a better track record, and while it’s not exactly fair, “mid-major” and small conference teams must prove their worth over a long period of time before they can expect to beat out the big boys for at-large bids.

It’s not perfect, put fuck it, it’s fucking wonderful.

March. Fucking. Madness.

Selection Sunday — Yay!

It’s finally here!  Here’s my initial thoughts:

Louisville as #1 overall seed: One word:  lol.   (All right, technically 3 words.)   Are you serious?  Ok, sure, they beat Pitt at the end of the season, and won the conference tourney, but I still think they had one of the easiest roads out of the Big East.   They will make a run in the tourney, but ONLY because of their seeding.   Why do I hate them so much?  I seriously don’t know.

UNC deserved the 1 seed: Despite another one of Tyler’s MONSTER chokes, (2 points shy of the all time ACC scoring record — oooops!) they are still one of the best teams in the country.   Unfortunately, they are a bit banged up, and while it seemed like destiny at one point this year, they’ve got a tough road ahead of them.

Flubs: Utah and BYU get in, but New Mexico gets the snub — despite the fact that they beat both those teams.   UNM is capable of beating a lot of at large teams.   A fatality of the amazing depth in the big conferences this year, but keep on eye on Alford’s team in the NIT.

And I’ll be watching it all from Vegas, baby!

Almost to Selection Sunday – F**k Yeah!

We’re almost there, dudes.   Can’t. Effing.  Wait.

Last Minute Seeding:

- Memphis beat Tulsa!!  Holy crap, they better get a one seed, because we all know how tough conference USA is!   Any conference that is simply named after the country it’s in should not have a one seed coming out of it, I don’t care how far they went last year (er, how much they CHOKEd last year).

- It doesn’t matter if UNC loses, they’ve got a 1 seed.  It might be Tyler’s year (to CHOKE again).

- The SEC sucks.   The Mountain West deserves 3 bids, the SEC deserves zilch.  (I mean LSU, seriously?   Whoever they draw in the first round will be the sexy upset pick — cuz LSU’s  gonna CHOKE!)

- Maryland should be in after a solid win over Wake.    Maryland is a giant killer and will make for an exciting storyline.   They’ll be the semi-Cinderella (because Maryland can’t really be a Cinderella, I mean would it really be a huge surprise if they made a run all the way, to say, the Elite Eight?). Gary Davis is a great coach, even if f**king Carmelo beat the Jayhawks after KU had one of the best regular seasons ever in College Ball.  (Then again, that’s when Roy “CHOKE” Williams was at the helm.)

- Baylor’s going to beat Mizzou, and Syracuse is going to humiliate Rick “the Dick” Peeteeno.

- The ball is tipped / and there you are / you’re running for you life / and you’re a shooting staaaaaar!  (Unless you CHOKE)

Trade Rumors Still Stinging, Cutler Puts His House Up for Sale

In the market for a $2 million dollar home in Parker, CO?  You would have to pay me AT LEAST $2 mill to move to that cultural wasteland.

Jay Cutler put his 7,000 plus square-feet Parker home up for sale today.  A passive-aggressive jab at Broncos management?  How could it possibly be anything else?

Important to note that Cutler still owns a downtown penthouse.

It’s getting harder and harder for fans to take a side in this, and harder and harder for us to care what happens before the draft.

Nuggets Are Starting to Suck Again

Right in time for the playoffs, the Nuggets are on a trademark downward slide.   But is it really just  because of Kenyon Martin’s injury, or does this come back, yet again, to a lazy coach?

George Karl does not inspire his players, bottom line.   One injury should not cause a team built the way the Nuggets are to go from first in the division to struggling to catch a bottom seed in the playoffs.  What I’m saying is, I hate that guy.

Morning Wood

Morning Wood – a very very quick rundown of sports stories I’m into each morning.

Six OTs in the Big East: Are you kidding me? How could this not be the first thing anyone who’s vaguely interested in sports blogs about today? It was nearly 1:30 in the morning by the time Syracuse finally pulled out a win. If ever there was an argument for being a touch more lenient with last second shots, this was it. Devendorff’s shot (one of the better names in college b-ball, btw) should have ended it – he earned the win by making that last second bomb.

Six OTs, man the last time I played that much basketball, I was – eight.

Tiger Woods is playing like crap: Apparently, he is human. I owe you five bucks.

Lebron nabs another Triple-Double: Kobe and the Lakers clinched a playoff spot, but once again Lebron managed to upstage him with another amazing performance, plus a Cavs win. Please, please, Lebron, go to a franchise where I can actually care!

The Big East is Amazing: I love the Big  12, and it is probably the 2^nd toughest conference ­– with the ACC right behind – but the Big East is freaking ridiculous. I still can’t help but feel Louisville is overrated. Watch for Pitt, Cuse, and UConn to all make big runs.

Sad Note: Thanks to Brad for this story.   Sadly, the pen of CBS’s annual final montage soundtrack passed away.  Doug Tower wrote One Shining Moment, and Luther Vandross brought it to life.   Rest in Peace, Doug, thanks for the gem.

The tournament starts next week — !!!

Kansas Jayhawks Upset in First Round of Big 12 Championship

The Kansas Jayhawks are my offically adopted NCAA basketball team (and according to a dude at Enterprise Car Rental, they adopted me too), and it looks like a few of them forgot they had a game today.  OOOPS!  KU staged a massive comeback (Baylor once had a 17 point lead) in the Big 12 tournament quarterfinals, but it wasn’t enough to contain Baylor’s shooting star. LaceDarius Dunn.  (Seriously, “LaceDarius”?  You just got bombed by a guy with two of the biggest pussy sounding names in the world?)

This on the heels of an embarrassing loss to Texas Tech, in which TT seemed to drain everything, and KU seemed to flub and stumble everytime they mounted anything resembling a respectable effort.   I didn’t get to watch today’s game ( I do have a job you know), but I can only imagine it was an eerily similar scene.

But that’s not to say that KU hasn’t had an amazing year, particularly after nearly completely falling off the radar with a completely fresh set of starters.   They’ve managed to put most notions of having a “transitional” season behind them, but clearly haven’t gained enough consistently to sqaush the title hangover once and for all.  But this much you can count on — Bill Self’s teams will always be ready March.